Tales of The Midwest
by cornonlecob
Summary: In which America (Alfred F. Jones) has fifty children AKA the states. But this story isn't focusing on the big leagues like Florida, Texas, California, New York. No, this is a collection of stories centering *drum roll* THE MIDWEST! Rated T for swearing and crude humour.
1. As The Plot Thickens

A/N: Howdy! And welcome back to Tales of the Midwest! In this chapter we meet up with Alfred F. Jones! Aka America.

Duh.

Anyways I was plenty surprised by the response that came with the last chapter! So, since I heard a lot about Ohio and Michigan in the comments...mmmm...here ya go! Well, it's not all sexual tension. (Sorry, plot n' stuff) But I hope you enjoy nonetheless! Enough chit chat! On with the story!

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With birds twittering just outside a sun stricken window, it's pretty easy to deem a day 'perfect'. At least, for the Midwest. As most of the nation knew, the edges could have earth quakes and hurricanes sure. But nothing compared to the bipolar weather of the Midwest. One day it's sunny, the next it's hailing, after that it's tornado season again. So to have a regional meeting on a _sunny_ day, could only bring good luck to the twelve gathered states.

Nevertheless, Indiana was busy staring out the window, drumming her fingers against the oaken table boredly.

Missouri was hosting today, so the other eleven had been settled around a large circular oak table, light conversation crinkling the air. Nobody was willing to argue, shout, or even set a single toe out of line.

This behavior came for two reasons. Firstly, Alfred was stopping by to oversee the meeting, and generally just catch up with his States. But secondly...Alfred (or America, whichever you prefer) had been taking States with him to G8 meetings recently. It started off simple enough, with the Original 13 wanting to go and visit the rest of the countries.

Of course as soon as the thirteen saw England some sort of argument sparked, not a peep else was spoken of what happened in that meeting. Supposedly, getting to see England made Florida jealous. Or at least, that's what Indiana had heard from Mississippi. Anyways, Alfred, being the fool he is, gave in to Florida's pleas and has now been escorting various regions to these meetings.

To say that everyone was quiet due to nerves would be a serious understatement. Indiana swore she could cut through the air as if it were Wisconsin's cheese. She hummed mentally to herself, tucking a few strands of short flax golden hair behind her ear. Blue eyes flickering about the table, waiting for someone to speak.

No one did.

The door slammed open, Missouri quickly excusing herself from the table to welcome America. "Welcome back, Alfred." She greeted politely, opening the door and allowing the Country to stride in. Usual dopey grin in place, America clapped Missouri on the back with a high laugh.

"Dude! Missouri! Awesome to see you! Huh, haven't really changed much..." Alfred muttered, gazing around the home at all the furniture and paintings that hadn't shifted for decades.

"It's...ah...cozy..." Missouri replied, motioning to the dining room as she hurriedly scuttled off, dark brown hair bouncing along with her hurried strides.

Indiana flicked her eyes over to Alfred, always Alfred. Never Dad, or Papa, or Father. Because he wasn't, he was more like a guardian. At least in the eyes of seven out of twelve Midwestern states. As the majority ruled with minority rights, the group of States had come to a consensus to call America 'Alfred'. Of course, to be rebellious, Indiana, Illinois, Michigan, Ohio, and Wisconsin would sometimes call him Dad. Just for kicks.

"So dudes, what's for dinner?" Alfred asked, an excited gleam in his sky blue eyes, already kicking his lips in anticipation.

Kansas spoke up first, swiping some already windblown dusty blond hair out of his light brown eyes. "We're having pork roast with potatoes, carrots, and corn on the cob." He announced, keeping his voice steady despite anticipation. Although, three states immediately perked up at the last ingredient.

"Ha ha! AWESOME! Sounds like the perfect dinner for a hero!" Alfred laughed boisterously once more, dissolving into 'ooooooo's once Missouri brought out a steaming tray. Several slices of cut pork leaned against one another along the plate, sliced potatoes and carrots littered the area around it. Nebraska disappeared into the kitchen for a moment before strolling out smugly with his own plate of steaming corn on the cob.

Iowa and Ohio shot him a warning glare as he set the corn down onto the table.

Missouri settled into her seat at the head of the table, the rest of the Midwest motioning all together to begin a short prayer. Hands barely grazed before America had shouted; "COOL! Let's eat!" Already starting to scoop some meat and vegetables onto his plate before shoving it at North Dakota. She blinked at him with a questionable expression, cautiously serving herself before shoving the main plate at South Dakota.

Most of the Sates stayed in comfortable silence, meal times (especially dinner) were often left peaceful and quiet. Arguments could be settled over dessert.

"Wow, it's really quiet in here. Where's all the farming babble nonsense?"

Silverware was clasped tighter, teeth grating silently as the Sates fumed, forever polite.

"Ha! Either way I guess it don't matter. So, guys, this is a really killer opportunity! You would have to be like...a commie to pass this up! So there's this G8 meeting in D.C. tomorrow, and I kinda promised everybody you would all be there!"

Silence still, although the clattering of metal on plate had slowed, the States digesting that fact rather than their food.

"So yeah! After dinner we're all gonna pile into a car and drive on out there! I've already made seating arrangements for ya ahead of time!" Alfred fumbled around with something in his pocket, eventually whipping out a folded piece of paper. Stuffing another slice of pork into his mouth, America began listing off seats. "So North Dakota, you're driving! And then Wisconsin, Kansas, you'll be sharing the shot gun! Okay, next row is Minnesota, Nebraska and Idaho! Next Illinois, Missouri, and South Dakota, you get the back! Finally, Indiana and Michigan get the trunk!"

"IDAHO?"

"TRUNK?"

"WHAT ABOUT OHIO?"

"Oh don't worry! It's a van, so the trunk is plenty spacious!" Alfred replied, completely ignoring the other two exclamations. "Alright! Well! I'm stuffed! And I've got a plane to catch!" America stood up abruptly, grabbing a couple ears f corn on the way out before hollering a 'START PACKING!' back to the Midwest.

 _-15 Minutes Later-_

Eventually, the States had deciphered that by ' _Idaho_ ' Alfred meant ' _Iowa_ ', and Ohio had been placed in the trunk with Indiana and Michigan.

The ride started out plenty normal, Missouri held a small roll call, the silence still lingering from dinner. "I Julia am here. Mary!"

Ohio shouted back "Here!"

"Stevens!"

Michigan raised his hand in reply.

"Ann!"

Indiana mumbled out a "Present."

"Achsah!"

Illinois huffed and raised her hand.

"Nelson!"

Wisconsin waved his arm around wildly in reply.

"Alexander!"

Minnesota replied with a quiet "I'm here!" And a soft smile.

"Ansel!"

Iowa tapped against the window twice, eyes trained outside.

"Addie!"

North Dakota beeped the horn with a mild whoop for good measure.

"Margaret!" 

South Dakota whooped back, punching the top of the van before drawing back with a hiss of pain.

"Thomas!"

Nebraska replied with "Corn State reporting!" Earning two more glares from Ohio and Iowa.

"ANNNNND, Charles!"

Kansas just huffed, "Can we go already?"

With that North Dakota peeled away from Missouri's house, beginning to drive down to the Freeway while fiddling with the radio. But the trunk is where things were really heating up.

Michigan was reading a lengthy romance novel, curled up on the left side of the trunk. Ohio leaned against the right side, staring at nothing with a bored expression. Indiana sat between the two (as usual...) already sitting on pins and needles, just waiting for one of the two to begin shouting.

"Hey, asshole up north, you promised I could read that on the ride like...ten minutes ago." Ohio began, her eyes already narrowed in challenge.

"Yeah well, chill. I'm not done, and it's my book. Piss off." Michigan rolled his eyes along with the scoffed sentences, flipping a page noisily.

"Don't care. You promised. Now hand it!" Ohio snapped, already seething.

Michigan stuck out his tongue, clutching the book to his chest with a snarl. "Too bad! I paid for it, so I say you can't have it!"

"You traitorous swine!" Ohio lunged across Indiana's lap, clawing at Michigan and the book, all while being restrained by an exasperated Indiana.

"Ignorant ass!"

"GIMME THE BOOK DAMN YOU!"

"IT'S MINE!"

Indiana sighed, slumping against the trunk door, a writhing Ohio starting a fight with Michigan right on top of her. Again. "Why meeeeee..." She groaned out, slumping her head against the trunk door with a thump!

This was going to be a looong trip...

* * *

A/N: That last scene in the trunk is based off of real life btw. Yeah, my and my two friends take a bus each day between schools, and this happened yesterday. Let's just say I feel for Indiana. I hope you guys enjoyed this short little story-thing! Please let me know about any of your ideas, or thoughts! I would love it!

Thanks a a whole bunch! ~Cornonlecob


	2. Beer Cheese Soup

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to the guest Mazue! She (I'm assuming gender here...) requested a camping thing-y with the Great Lake States! So this is a tad longer than usual, just a tad. But I think it's because I actually had someone else read it first. (Shocking. I know.) Without further ado, ON WITH THE STORY!

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Bored.

Bored bored bored.

BORED.

BOOOOOOOORED.

B-O-R-E-D.

Boredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredbored.

Bored.

Yes, believe it or not, Wisconsin was bored out of his mind. Four hours of driving had passed, listening to nothing but 70's hits, and actual hits from the trunk. What's worse? Every time he, or Kansas, tried to save their siblings from the horrid music, North Dakota would slap their hands away.

"Come ooooonnnnnnnnnnnnn," Wisconsin groaned, draping his body across the seat divider. "This music is so ooooollllllllld. Change iiiiiiiiiittttttt."

North Dakota huffed in frustration, gripping the wheel until her knuckles turned white. "I'm sorry you have no taste in music, Wisconsin. But _I'm_ the driver, and the driver picks the tunes.

"That is soooo unfair! Kansas, back me up here! What's that whole thing about uh...majority rights minority rule?" Wisconsin poked at the seatbelt literally strapping him to Kansas.

"It's majority rule, minority rights, cheese-head." Kansas replied, leaning against the door and tracing the shapes of clouds on the glass.

"Kaaaannnnsssssaaaassss!"

"If you're so bored, go bug your lake friends." North Dakota suggested, rolling her eyes and flicking the turn signal, copying the car ahead of them. Which so happened to contain an Alfred, why he wouldn't let some of the States ride with him was a speculation topic a couple hours back. Indiana claimed that she saw Tony stick his head out the window, and that was the reason their dad was riding solo.

Wisconsin shrugged at the thought, unbuckling the seat belt which caused some very distraught voices to start screaming. Paying no mind he climbed over the small hump between the driver's and passenger's seat. Once on the other side he grabbed Nebraska's wrist and pushed the other State up to Wisconsin's old seat. As soon as North Dakota stopped howling, Wisconsin looked expectantly over at Iowa. Who promptly huffed before climbing over two rows of seats.

"Obviously you just don't- Iowa? What are you doing back here?" Ohio's voice rung confused over the pandemonium.

"Wisconsin's bored. He wants to chat with Michigan."

"Oh."

Michigan couldn't have crawled over the annoyed States faster, slumping into the seat next to Wisconsin.

"So I heard you're bored?" Minnesota prompted, shuffling around in his seat to cast his warm smile at the other two.

"Yeah, 70's Rock can only last so long," Wisconsin feigned a disappointed sigh, clicking his seatbelt into place.

"Well...I'm sure Michigan could read his story to you, if you asked." Minnesota replied again, motioning to the thick novel tucked under Michigan's arm.

"No. Way. Romance novels are the WORST!"

"Excuse me?" Michigan asked incredulously, quirking an eyebrow up in obvious offense.

"Ugh, I just don't like them! I mean, why experience all that drama, angst, and heartbreak when you could be laughing, right?" Wisconsin looked between the two other Great Lake States, one looked annoyed, the other slightly put off.

"You have no heart, it's probably made of cheese anyways." Michigan snapped, slipping open the pages with an all too real pout.

"Mmmm...heart cheese...wait! I totally have a heart!" Wisconsin argued back, wiping off some saliva from the corners of his mouth.

"Then prove it! I'll read a passage from my book, and if you can sit through it WITHOUT interruption, then you have a heart." Michigan struck up the deal, narrowing his eyes in challenge.

"Deal! Start reading!"

"Ahem! _Gerard knew that June was a hard to get gal. Probably the toughest challenge for anyone to try. Most of the males of this ash ridden city had given up, hearing her shouts of anger directed at them without an ounce of restraint._

 _But she was perfect for him, the way her hips moved, with dark hair rivaling Spruce trees swaying against the chilled air. Her dark green eyes could pierce through any shadowed alley, and her collection of woolen sweaters would make sheep bleat in fear._

 _It was pouring down on Gerard's sad blue umbrella, the midnight roses tucked behind his back wilting slowly from the downpour. He glanced up at the moon, it's beauty hindered by swirling angry clouds. But she caught his eye, June, with her bright yellow umbrella seeming to part the din of the rain._

 _"J-June!" He called out, racing up to greet her with a shaky smile._

 _"Oh! Hey Gerard. Why are you still out here? It's pouring!" June fretted, already moving her umbrella towards him in concern._

 _"W-well...I needed to tell you something...get it off my chest..." Gerard sucked in a terrified breath, her silence as a key to proceed. "You see...I love you, June! I've loved you since we ran into each other at the library! I love the way your eyes sparkle when we talk! I love you, June! I really truly love you!"_

 _June was silent, until a gasp wormed its way from her lips at the sight of her favorite roses being held out in a sad bouquet. "Oh! Gerard!" She gasped, quickly throwing her arms around his neck and showering it with soft kisse-"_

"NOPE! No more! That was awful! And awkward!" Wisconsin visibly shuddered.

"Well, it's official. You have no heart." Michigan harrumphed, clamping the book shut with a sigh.

"That story was dumb. Besides, our own invention stories are far more interesting!" Wisconsin rivaled, smirking inwardly as the other States in the car seemed to be listening as well.

"Like sliced bread could be interesting." Nebraska snorted, rolling his eyes from the front seats.

"How's the baseball season, Nebraska?" Iowa asked suddenly.

Nebraska stopped talking.

Wisconsin scoffed waving the two neighbors away, rolling his pale blue eyes. "I'm not talking about anything like _that!_ I'mtalking about _my_ inventions!" Clearing his throat and preparing his storytelling smirk he began.

"One day, three awesome States were out in the wilderness, resting on the bank of Lake Michigan. I, the glorious Wisconsin, was accompanied by my sidekicks: Michigan, and Minnesota. We were just hanging out when I started feeling really really hungry! But this fishing trip was turning for the better! Because right then, an equally awesome mermaid popped out of the lake! Michigan and Minnesota were like 'OM GEE' and 'HOOOOW?!' But I was all cool, so I started talking to the mermaid, and she passed me some bowl of some warm thing! I drink it and name it 'Beer Cheese Soup'! 'Cause that's what it tasted like!"

Minnesota sighed at the story, shaking his head almost sadly. "That's not what happened...we got lost...and all we had brought was a fire starter kit, cheese, and beer. So you made soup."

"Uggghhhhhhh," Wisconsin groaned again, dragging his palms against his cheeks. "It sounds so boring when you say it like that though!" He protested, pouting with furrowed eyebrows.

Michigan rested a hand on Wisconsin's shoulder, smirking to himself while attempting to soothe the rattled blonde. "Here then, let me try and tell the story. I'm sure with all of my...-ahem- _research_ on writing, I can pull something together."

Michigan started on his second story that evening, making sure he had everyone's attention before beginning.

 _"It was a beautiful day in Michigan, the lake was sparkling, economy was doing great, and everything was peaceful. So Stevens 'Michigan' Jones called his two lake-bound siblings. Nelson and Alexander agreed to go fishing by the lake side that afternoon._

 _So the trio gathered under the soft shadows of pine and oak trees, settling into a remote beach and casting their lines._

 _"Hey, guys?" Nelson suddenly asked, a hand propped over his stomach. "I'm hungry..."_

 _Alexander sighed softly, reaching into his pockets and pulling out a pot and a fire starter kit. "Sorry, Nelson...I don't have anything..." He huffed quietly._

 _Stevens fished around in his tackle box, whipping out a few bottles of beer. "I got beer, although it's made in Ohio so watch out." He advised, passing the bottles to Nelson._

 _Nelson himself hummed, pulling out a block of cheddar cheese from his pocket, suddenly, an idea struck him. "Hey, Alex, can ya get a fire started? We need to boil some beer!" The Sates nearly shouted, already flopping the ground and impatiently staring at Alexander._

 _"U-uh...sure..." He whispered in reply, dropping down next to Nelson and making a pile of dry grasses and small sticks. Once the fire had been started, Stevens poured the beer into the travel pot and Nelson held it over the fire to boil. After it had boiled, he literally just plopped the cheese into the scalding liquid, watching it melt together._

 _Soon enough, three bowls had been procured, the bee-cheese mixture being poured into them._

 _"Ya know? This is so good, I'll call it Beer Cheese Soup!" Nelson declared happily, beaming at his siblings as they watched their lines for fish._ The end." Michigan finished, earning applause from nearly everyone in the car.

Two States weren't clapping, Ohio because Michigan'ssstories were always dumb. And South Dakota because she was beginning to panic. "Wait!" The State called out, fear and concern laced in her voice. "Illinois' missing!"

* * *

A/N: Okay so two things happened. 1) I got a kind of beta-reader. His name is Zach and he's a guy in my 8th block. Anyways we started talking about the personifications, and decided on some key interactions for some of the states.

Iowa and Nebraska are usually friendly. Unless one of them brings up baseball or agriculture. Then it's a blood bath.

Minnesota is friendly with everyone. Nothig more to it than good ol' Minnesotan love.

Ohio and Michigan have a love/hate relationship "they're rivals, AND lovers," -Cornonlecob's mother, 2016

The Dakota's hate each other, and are constantly picking on each other.

And finally, Missouri is seen as the responsible older sibling, (even if she isn't really older.) because she has been known not to loose her head. (At least on the outside.)

And that's it for now! I would appreciate if you leave any sort of requests, or facts about certain states that you desire to be seen! Less google searching for me!

Thanks a whole bunch! -Cornonlecob


	3. Hide and Seek

A/N: Sorry this took so long to get out! But I mean...2,000+ words, is worth the short wait, right? Right! Either way I hope you guys like this chapter!

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Having a high crime rate, even if it had decreased several decades ago, was something Illinois found as a blessing and a curse.

A curse because, well, high crime. That doesn't really attract many tourists.

A blessing, because with her old crime rate skills, Illinois could break any lock. Add to that her beautiful landscape, and you have yourself a movie protagonist.

Illinois had been sandwiched between South Dakota and a metal door for literally THREE. WHOLE. HOURS. She didn't mind her sister, but sometimes a girl just can't listen to three hour long North Dakota rants.

Luckily, she had decided to wear Bobby pins that day, a small smirk forming as she felt around her lightly curled golden hair for the pieces of metal. Plucking two out of her hair, she bent one so it could be longer, inserting it to the car door.

Now, most cars have child safety locks, and not key slots. But Alfred made a smart move, using a State proof car to transport...well...States. Illinois chewed on the tip of her tongue as she worked in the second pin, wiggling the metal to push pins into place. Once the door had sighed a soft click, Illinois pulled gently at the handle and felt the door swing out on its own.

Thank god Michigan and Ohio have so much tension in their relationship, drawing all of the attention _away_ from the escaping State with their shouts and shoves. Illinois opened the door of the moving car, inching out to the side of the car, pressing the door gently back into place. Now on the very edge of a speeding car, Illinois tightened her already strong grip on the bars attached to the top of the car.

"One..."

She pulled her muscles in test, taking a few deep breaths.

"Two..."

She deepened her stance, squatting as far as she could stretch and still be safe.

"Three...!"

With that she lifted herself up onto the roof of the car, gripping the side bars like a lifeline. Her eyes slipped closed, taking in the rushing air and billowing scents from healthy farms. Her golden curls were pulled back with the wind, reminding her of fields of Bluegrass and Compass plants bending to the soft breezes. She could just imagine an old fashioned windmill spinning lazily with the winds.

A relaxed sigh slipped from her lips, entirely drowned out by the rumble of the car.

It was peaceful on the roof of a car.

 _-Inside the car, 1 hour and 3 minutes later-_

"What do you mean 'Illinois is missing'? We're in a moving car!" North Dakota huffed loudly, checking her rearview mirrors...just in case.

"For being the ' _better_ ' twin you sure as hell have a low intelligence." South Dakota snapped back, her turquoise eyes shining with malice towards her sister.

"At least I'm not located in the middle of nowhere." North Dakota gripped the wheel a bit too tightly, making the car begin to drift into the other side of the road.

"Uh...guys?" Kansas started, glancing out the windshield with wide, panicked eyes.

"Then I guess that makes you just North of nowhere." South Dakota crossed her arms in challenge, eyes still locked with her twin's through the mirror.

"...guuuuys..." Kansas tried again, catching the blink of headlights in the distance.

"At least North of nowhere actually exists." North Dakota hissed in reply.

"You only wish you had Rushmore!" South Dakota shouted. Meanwhile Wisconsin turned to Minnesota and held up some cheese with an eyebrow wiggle. He mouthed the words 'for the show?' Minnesota just rolled his own eyes.

"FIGHT ME!" North Dakota shrieked letting go of the wheel and scrambling over the seat divider, already clawing at her twin.

"GLADLY!" South Dakota shouted back, hopping over the middle seats to begin shoving at her sister's face.

"GUYS!" Kansas shouted in panic, hands flying to the wheel, Nebraska whimpering softly from being squished down.

"WHAT?!" Both Dakotas turned to Kansas with frenzied eyes, one with their face being pushed away by a foot.

"WE'RE DRIVING A SPEEDING CAR! PAY ATTENTION TO SOMETHING OTHER THEN EACH OTHER FOR ONCE!" Kansas screamed, taking several deep breaths as his rage at almost dying due to a sibling's fight.

North Dakota huffed, shoving the foot from her cheek, now crawling back to the driver's seat and taking the wheel once more.

"Aw...boo! It was just getting interesting!" Wisconsin booed taking a quick bite of the rejected cheese. Minnesota smacked his brother upside the head, albeit softly. "Whaaaaat?"

"I find living more interesting than a fight, Wisconsin." Kansas replied, going back to taxing cloud shapes against the window.

"Okay, now we seriously need to focus. Somebody call Alfred, maybe he knows something about where Illinois disappeared to." Missouri spoke up from the end of the car, arms folded over one another in thought.

Indiana brought out her spare flip phone, already fiddling with the contacts list. Once it had started ringing, she placed the phone up to her ear.

 _"Hey, Indiana! Wassup, dude?"_

"Hello, Dad. Um...we can't find Illinois..." She fidgeted with her bottom lip, glancing up at the two States sitting in the trunk with her.

 _"...what?"_

"She just...ah...disappeared...and we don't know where she is..." Indiana heard a pause on the other line, a hand belonging to Ohio resting on her shoulder.

 _"But...the car...it-it's moving! And I had keyhole locks!"_

"This is Illinois..." Indiana sighed into the phone.

 _"...hold on, let's regroup at the next truck stop...maybe she's...I don't really know to be honest! Heh...yeah..."_

"Bye, Dad."

 _"Bye, Indie."_

Indiana smiled softly at the nickname, flicking the phone shut. Missouri poked her head over the seats, one eyebrow raised expectantly. "He said we should pull over at the next truck stop to take a good look."

Missouri nodded firmly, turning to pass the message forwards up the car.

A truck stop finally appeared, North Dakota bringing their long vehicle to a halt. The red Chevy truck that they had been following was already parked, Alfred pacing by one of the benches. His eyes trailed to the car with a bright smile, though when his eyes traveled upward he seemed to sigh and slump.

Suddenly, before any of the States could even unbuckle, a humanoid shape slid down the gods of the car before running over to Alfred for a hug.

Ohio burst open the trunk door, jumping out and bolting for her sister. " _What_ were you thinking?!" She demanded, placing her hands on her hips.

"I was thinking that rants on other States are boring. Get me out." Illinois replied teasingly, sticking her tongue out with a smile.

"You're sitting in the middle this time!" Missouri called out one of the windows, eyebrows knitted together.

Illinois huffed out a sigh, waving goodbye to Alfred before replying. "Yeah, yeah..." The States shuffled their seating arrangements in the car to minimize fights. Missouri was driving with Kansas and South Dakota upfront. In the middle row, Michigan, Minnesota, and Wisconsin were placed together again. The last row of proper seats housed Illinois, Indiana, and Nebraska. Finally in the trunk was North Dakota, Iowa, and Ohio.

The next 11 hours consisted of the front three States switching out of the drivers post, and all the others entertaining each other while avoiding fights.

Eventually they had arrived at the large conference building, white pillars and old stone decorating the outside. All of the twelve States gripped a special uniform given to them by Alfred, who claimed that it was 'required'. He flashed a toothy grin, pulling them all into a big group hug. "OOOH! I love you guys! Well, I gotta go in there now, but don't worry! Just get changed quickly and I can totally intrude you all to the rest of the world!" He barked out a laugh, "literally!"

The Midwest chuckled softly, the group already shuffling into the building and heading straight for the bathrooms. Yelling was already floating through the building, shouts in different languages along with English whispered what the Countries might be doing.

"Do ya think I could convince Switzerland to a cheese tasting?" Wisconsin asked, straightening out the uniform he had been given.

"Mm...maybe..." Kansas replied uninterestedly, threading golden buttons through several slits in the fabric.

 _-Meanwhile, in a busy conference-_

"Amérique, we're all getting restless, non? Where are your children?" France pouted, arms crossed over his chest as he glanced around at the other Nations. Murmured agreements traveled among the other six Countries.

"France-dude, relax! They're right outside the doors!" America replied with a short laugh.

"Ugh, you bloody git! You've just been wasting our time!" England huffed, snarling in America's direction.

"Aiyah! I can't believe this!" China chimed in, obviously upset.

"Alright, alright! Chill, guys! Lemme just call 'em in!" America replied, patting his hands downwards in an attempt to calm the gathered Nations. He stuck his head out of the door and began whispering to the gathered States. His head popped back in and he grinned, winking assuredly at the other Countries. Germany sighed and rubbed his nose.

The first State to walk in had shining blue eyes like her father and dusty blond hair cut to her shoulders, slightly curling in towards her neck. She wore a forest green military suit, black strips traveled down the side of her pants and encircled her wrists.

Golden buttons traveled down the center, and a firm military hat of the same forest green sat atop her head. "Hello, I am Ohio. Oldest of the Midwest."

She sidestepped and allowed another State to enter wearing the same uniform. It was another girl, pale blue eyes and elbow length blond hair, looking almost like strands of wheat. "Second oldest, Indiana." She tipped her hat in greeting.

"I'm Illinois! Third oldest, here to make your acquaintance." She greeted, dusty blue eyes and slightly curled golden hair toppled over her shoulders.

Another female walked through the doors, her skin tanned with dark waves radiating from the top of her head. She smiled warmly at the other countries. "Missouri, fourth state of the Midwest."

A male trailed in right after her, cropped dark blond hair, and eyes a deep blue like the waters of a lake. He wore a sure smirk, hands crossed on his chest. "And I'm Michigan, just like the lake, number five." He winked at the end, before sliding into the line of siblings.

Next came in another male, his face calmed and serious, dark brown hair pulled back into a low ponytail, although several strands had come loose and framed his face. Dark green eyes peeled out from the hat. "Iowa, sixth state."

An all too happy state bounded in, a grin plastered on his face while having slightly windswept brown hair fall over blue grey eyes. "And I'm Wisconsin, seventh state to join the Midwest! Hey, quick question!" He gathered the Nation's attention, ignoring the groans from his siblings. "Do you guys think me and Switzerland could ever get together?"

A soft voice chimed in from the hallway, "it's Switzerland, and _I_ ," it hissed.

Wisconsin began bouncing over to the gathered States, rolling his eyes playfully. "Ooo, look out for the grammar nazi!" He teased back. Germany visibly bristled from his spot next to Italy.

A male stepped in next, sighing softly, he had wavy blond hair and pale green eyes. Bearing a striking resemblance to Canada, only this boy looked younger and had a spray of freckles on his cheeks. "Sorry, Germany...whichever one of you that is...I'm Minnesota, eighth state to join the Midwest." He bowed curtly in apology again before shuffling off.

A boy with auburn hair stepped in next, bored green eyes expressing his sigh for him. "Name's Kansas. Ninth state to join the Midwest. It's a pleasure." He said, even though his voice said he was completely uninterested.

The last male stepped in, messy light brown hair poking out from under his hat. His blue eyes took on a more cerulean shade. "I'm Nebraska, the Corn State, and the tenth to join the Midwest." He cast a knowing smirk over to his siblings, practically hearing the shouts that were definitely coming after this meeting.

Finally two girls stepped in side by side, each with caramel colored hair tied into medium length pigtails. They both had pale green eyes fixed on each other with a scowl to match. "We're North and South Dakota." One of them spat out, purposely bumping against their twin. The other growled in reply.

America jumped in front of the huddled group with a wide smile. "So yeah! There's my 12 Midwestern kids!" He announced, taking his seat, although he was interrupted.

"Ugh!" France scoffed, pressing a hand to his chest in offense. "They weren't originally yours, Amérique!"

America stuck his tongue out in reply, almost challenging the romantic Nation. "Yeah well too bad, they're mine now!"

"Originally, I too had a few states," Germany piped up, his steely expression narrowed in on the gathered states, trying to pick out which ones he used to have.

"Hiiiiii daaaaaad~" Wisconsin on waved to Germany, his hand immediately being slapped down by Minnesota.

"Germany!" America nearly whined, frowning at the other Country. "I _just_ got most of them to call me Dad! I'll have to start all over!"

"Sorry, Alfred! We'll just let you all get started with your meeting, please pay no attention to us while we have a... _talk_..." Missouri piped up, already beginning to heard her siblings toward the corner of the room.

America waved his arm after Missouri with pleading eyes. "See what I mean?"

Germany sighed through his nose, looking to his left and feeling a wave of relief that Italy was still dozing peacefully.

"Mm...do you think that the states will cycle through again? I'm sure little Alaska would love to see me again, da?" Russia turned his all too cheery question to China, mind wandering back to a few months ago. The tallest Nation began chuckling to himself as a dark aura started dancing around him.

* * *

A/N: I had no idea how to end that...sorry...but yes! A few of the Midwestern states have Germainic roots! It should also be common knowledge that 7/12 of the states have French roots...Louisiana Territory anyone? Also I got the uniforms from Google. I just searched up 'Midwestern military uniforms' and picked one that seemed right. So, yeah. Maybe all the future chapters will be this long? Probably not though. Also, sincere apologies if I didn't get a Nation right! With that, thank you for reading, review if you want. And thanks a whole bunch! -Cornonlecob


	4. Musicals Are Prohibited

**A/N: Cornonlecob here! Sorry for my absence...y'know...finals n' stuff like caucuses. SPECIAL THANKS TO MAH HOMEGIRL MARZUE! SERIOUSLY GUYS SHE HAD GIVEN THIS STORY SO MUCH. THEREFORE SHE IS THE SECOND MOTHER TO THIS FIC. THANKSIES BAH.**

"Okay, so I know that we all can be a bit...unfiltered, at times...but these are _countries_. We _need_ to be polite, if not for ourselves then for Alfred." Missouri hissed to the the circle of States, her eyes daring anyone to step out of line at the meeting.

Her siblings all murmured replies with equally serious expressions. They split apart from their huddle, just to watch what was happening in the world.

Surprisingly, or rather... _un_ surprisingly _,_ there were way more arguments then there had ever been at a National conference _._ All of the countries accused and blamed each other for the simplest of problems. All the shouting eventually escalated far enough for Germany to shout above all the rest. He laid down some very firm rules that must have been fairly common place, simply because a certain British man openly rolled his eyes. Once the rules were set up Germany asked the gathered Nations to raise their hand if they wanted to speak.

"What is this, grade school? I thought this was an international conference." Michigan piped up, receiving another death glare from Ohio, and possibly Missouri too but he wasn't looking at her.

Germany turned sharply to the State who had voiced his opinion with cold steely eyes. Normally any other Nation would be either fumbling over their words or making useless jokes. But this state...Michigan wasn't it? Appeared utterly carefree, as did the rest of his siblings. Save for a few of the females. "Vhile _normally_ zhe hand raising method is used for young children, it is a good vay to stop Nations from arguing." Germany replied to the outburst as calmly as possible, not wanting to overreact or snap at the physically young boy.

"Sounds about as useful and flawless as a Yugo GV," Michigan snorted, crossing his arms and ignoring the fevered whispers from behind his back. Remind him to never let those hunks of wasted space anywhere near bridges.

Germany seemed to falter, his steely expression wavering for a moment. A short snort could be deciphered as a quick laugh in reply. "True, zhe method is about as good as a Ford Pinto." A couple Nations went slack jawed. Did...did Germany just _make_ a joke?!

Michigan chuckled, beginning to smile contentedly at the German. "I'm not sure even a Lamborghini Murcielago could make it better."

Germany cracked a half smile, his broad shoulders bobbing in silent laughter. Italy woke up from his nap, sitting up with a lazy grin. "Ve~ Germany, are you talking about cars again?" He asked, having awakened from the name of one of his cars being uttered.

Germany snapped to attention upon hearing Italy wake up. "Ja, Italy. Now, back to the meeting at hand." His voice had suddenly gained volume and importance, booming over the heads of the gathered Nations.

Michigan huffed, falling back against the wall with a small pout. "What? Did you actually _like_ talking car to that tight assed German?" Illinois asked, her hands occupied with her phone, Twitter open and being used almost fervently.

"Kinda, yeah." Michigan admitted, rolling his eyes and slightly turning away from his sister, the meeting was already boring, and now his only source of entertainment was arguing over the best type of food with China.

A gentle hand fell onto his shoulder, making the State jump in his skin, wild eyes landing on the friendly Minnesota. "Jesus fricken Christ man! What's with you and sneaking up on people?" He demanded, the other blonde giggling softly.

"Sorry about that, guess I'm just a really good spy," Minnesota stuck out his tongue in semi-playfulness, eventually he returned to a more concerned expression. "But seriously, what's happening in that head of yours?" To make a point, Minnesota poked Michigan's forehead lightly, earning a small scowl.

"Ugh, it's just this meeting is SOOO BORING!" Michigan groaned in reply, albeit a bit too loudly. Kansas hissed a threat into Michigan's ear, daring the older state to break the meetings silence.

Minnesota shrugged, casting an almost sad smile as if to say 'it's a meeting, not much to do about it.'

Wisconsin on the other hand turned abruptly at the anguished cry of his brother, reaching his arm over Michigan's shoulders. "Hey! So am I! We should make this meeting funner." He suggested with a wide grin.

Michigan grew an almost villainous smirk, eyes locking with Wisconsin's in a knowing fashion. "Funner how?" He asked, even though it was a useless question.

"We should start a song with the rest of the Midwest!" Wisconsin nearly squealed, already thinking of over a million songs he wanted to do.

"Oh? And which song would we do?" Michigan asked, pausing to let Wisconsin settle. However, as soon as he was about to speak, a harsh pinch was issued to his ear. Michigan hissed, wheeling around to face his attacker. _God damnit Iowa..._

"This is a meeting, and we all promised to act proper for Alfred." Iowa scolded softly, eyes flicking to the meeting-in-progress. If anyone actually dared to call it a meeting that is. To be frank, it was a garble of shouts and undignified acquisitions.

Michigan snorted, rolling his eyes boredly, wishing desperately that he had brought his novel in with him. "Oh shut up Iowa. Just go have gay phone sex with New Hampshire already."

Iowa flushed, retreating into themselves as a stuttering defensive mess. Which was usually what happened around Caucus time. With the literal national spotlight on the State, Iowa became overridden with supporters and candidates. Making the personification even more right assed than normal, until of course someone said something embarrassing.

Michigan smiled at his work, turning back to Wisconsin with the same questioning look. Wisconsin met the glance with one just shouting that he had figured something out. "Wolf in Sheep's Clothing." He said with a simple grin. That was a song all the States had heard far too many times during National conferences. The original 13 always started singing it when anyone mentioned England.

Michigan nodded, turning to his other side and leaning into Illinois' ear. He whispered the plan to her, smiling as he did so. Illinois began to smile as well, turning quickly to her neighbors and spreading the word. Perfect.

 _-About Twenty Minutes Later-_

All at once, the Midwest stood up as one, shuffling around the room and finding their positions.

Michigan started, gesturing to the entire conference room. "Haha, this is 'bout you."

North Dakota picked it up from there, teetering on her heels. "Beware, beware be skeptical. Of their smiles, their smiles of plated gold."

South Dakota came next, smirking softly. "Depict so natural, but a wolf in sheep's clothing is more than a warning!"

Missouri came next, keeping her part quiet as she wanted to be respectful, really she did. "Bah bah black sheep have you any soul?"

Ohio came next, flipping some of her short hair in the process. "No sir and by the way, what the hell ar-"

"Can you guys please not?"

Silence hung over the gathered people, all turning to stare at America who held an almost sad expression. "We already heard that from the 13, we don't need another random song..."

Missouri tipped her head, motioning for the other States to follow her out of the room. They all followed silently and without complaint, shuffling out of the condense table.

Once outside, the doors were shit softly, most of the Midwest having slumped against a wall.

"We screwed up pretty damn bad huh?" Ohio asked no one in particular, referring to the deep guilt she knew everyone was holding.

Call it a stupid reason to feel guilty. But if you've ever had someone- your guardian in this case- be disappointed in you...you know how gut wrenching it is.

And that's how the Midwest sat for the next few hours, the early afternoon sun beginning to dip into the horizon. Painting the sky brilliant hues of reds and oranges, violet fringing the outside.

As soon as the meeting was over, Alfred was the first to step out of the hall, walking into the circle of sorts of States. "Hey dudes! Stop looking so glum! Let's grab some McDonald's!" He started, mouth almost dripping saliva at the thought.

Nebraska raised a hand, already speaking as he did so. "How about Culver's instead?" He offered with a small smile. The rest of the Midwest immediately accepted, the States scooting up to their feet.

"Just...no ketchup please and thanks." Illinois piped up, checking her phone to see how popular she was becoming on social media.

"U-um..." Iowa started, looking down at his hands with a furrowed brow. "Can we invite New Hampshire...?"

 **A/N: So I guess I should explain a few things. 1) Michigan and Germany are super car nerds. Though that might be obvious. 2) Illinois doesn't like ketchup on her hotdogs, for whatever reason because like serious ketchup on hotdogs is THE. BEST. To each their own I suppose. 3) As I'm sure you all know, Iowa holds the first caucus in the nation, closely followed by New Hampshire which has the second. So I have a really weird head cannon that Iowa and NH get together a bunch and just talk all the politics ever. Idk how it even came to be tbh. ANYWHOOSLES THANK Y'ALL SO MUCH FOR READING! DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW AND STUFF! Thanks a whole bunch! ~Cornonlecob**


	5. Detour

**A/N: I spent way too long figuring out of there was a Culver's in D.C...I tried to add politics that are relevant! I TRIIIIIIED.**

Some might think that a restaurant such as Culver's wouldn't be represented in D.C, well those people would be entirely correct. After the meeting the States all hopped back into the car and drove to the closest Midwestern state they could find. That state happened to be Ohio, and a certain blonde state couldn't have been happier. She directed them via Indiana's phone over to Reynoldsburg and down Lancaster avenue where they finally came across Culver's in all its neon blue glory.

For eleven in the morning, traffic was surprisingly tame. Missouri pulled the van up into a parking spot, glancing back at her half asleep siblings. Kansas, beside her, huffed impatiently, leaning over and honking the car horn with a dulled expression. As expected, ten other beings jolted to life inside the van, all of them glaring at Kansas.

"We're here!" Ohio squealed, shoving the trunk door open a little too forcibly. She ignored Michigan's hurt expression as the car groaned from her actions, seeing as she didn't particularly care for the hunk of metal.

The States slowly filed out of the car, mumbling to one another. Alfred hopped out of his bright red truck, a grin already present on his face. "C'mon kiddies! Let's eat!"

Most of the gathered states inwardly groaned at their nickname. They were most certainly _not_ kiddies. Nevertheless they all trailed after Alfred, filling up the area before a pristine white counter easily.

An old couple stood in line ahead of them, both of them turning and frowning softly at the thirteen people behind them. The cash register handed the couple a plastic tent with a cartoonish number scrawled on both sides.

As soon as the couple had hobbled away, Alfred slid up to the register. The cashier was a short female, around the late teens. She had dark hair flipped to one side, the ends and middle colored bright teal. Black glasses frames her face. She only raised an eyebrow at him, seeing as this man was just grinning at her. "Well...?" She started, gesturing to the menu. "Whadya want?"

Alfred became animated once more, licking his lips with eyes glistening in hunger. "I'll have three butter burgers with everything! A large soda! And a large fry!" He turned to the states, "what do you guys want to eat?"

Illinois pushed herself up to the front of the pack, a smug smirk on her face. "That'll be twelve orders of corn dogs, twelve medium fries, and twelve large soft drinks~" she said, almost seductively to the cashier.

The teen behind the counter raised her eyebrow again, assessing the crowd. Finally she turned to Alfred and asked, "so are these all your kids or...?"

Alfred chuckled, as if he found the statement to be a joke. "Only the blonde ones!"

Wisconsin, Kansas, Nebraska, Missouri, North Dakota, Michigan, Iowa, and South Dakota all looked over at Alfred as if he'd struck them. They knew he was acting a façade, he would have to. No human actually had fifty kids that they cared for. Let alone twelve. Their blonde siblings joined in with the momentary state of acquisition. They had always found Alfred's complaints that they wouldn't call him dad, rather endearing. Like a continuous joke. They never liked when it became all too real.

The cashier simply shrugged, inputting their order and counting out cups. Each State gathered their cup, pretending that Alfred didn't say it. South Dakota grabbed the number, Alfred already trailing off to the soda machine. North Dakota doubled up next to her twin, pointing at some tables that could be pushed together. South Dakota nodded simply, moving around the vacant room and pushing tables into a group.

Ohio was filling her cup up innocently enough, until a certain neighbor slid up to her with a simple smile. She scoffed, rolling her eyes, watching the Coka-Cola fill to the brim. "He didn't mean it,"

"Yeah, I know, you're just hogging all the good stuff."

"And here I was thinking you actually wanted to be neighborly. Remind me why I'm not throwing this soda in your face?" Ohio challenged, glaring back at Michigan.

"Why don't you? I'm in need of some new water anyways." Michigan sighed, looking down at his ankles, he knew they were swollen. But 'ol Rick Snyder wouldn't lift a finger to help.

Ohio softened her glare taking in a deep breath. "Let's just get seated."

They were the last two to make it to the table, Alfred at the head, the rest of the states filling in the sides. A hushed whisper was passing around the table. 'Use human names, use them.'

The number was placed near South Dakota, the blue number carved into it looking almost proud. A server came along not too long after, frowning slightly and laying out all of the food.

Alfred wasted no time in scarfing down his fist burger, the paper surrounding it already gone.

Iowa cleared his throat, glancing around. "So, I heard D.C wants to become a state." He was attempting to make conversation, it seemed to be somewhat working.

"What? Why? George gets to be the center! I don't see why he wants a title." Alfred replied, already tearing into the second burger.

"Yeah, but they don't get to vote." Missouri pointed out. "Think of all the citizens in the capital of our country who can't even vote."

The table silenced again, States engrossed with munching on their corn dogs.

Nebraska frowned as he bit off some of the batter. "Hey...does...does anyone else find this batter tasting weird...?" He asked, glancing around the table.

Kansas nodded, and Iowa sort of shrugged. Ohio glared across the table at the offending states. "My- uh...the batter's fine, Thomas."

Nebraska shrugged in reply, picking off more of the batter. "Sorry, it just doesn't taste...hmm...what's the word...real? Yeah. It doesn't taste like corn flour."

North Dakota sighed, rolling her eyes. "And you know alllllll about corn. Come on, there has to be more to your character than corn. It's just a tired trope that the writer came up with at this point."

The table murmured to each other 'true true' and 'yeah'. But then I THE MAGNIFICENT WRITER decided that that scene didn't happen at all but will still be included in the chapter because I want a large word count and some humor.

Ohio scoffed at Nebraska's comment. "I swear, sometimes you're almost as bad as Michigan!"

Michigan bristled from beside her, turning to Ohio with a fiery glare. "And what's THAT supposed to mean?!"

"It means I hate you!" Ohio shouted back, lunging from her seat and scratching at Michigan's face. All prior compassion vanishing.

He hissed in reply, swatting at her hands. The chairs scooted out of their way as the two wrestled each other on the floor, kicking and biting.

South Dakota took one look and shrugged. "So we're fighting now? AWESOME!" She proceeded to launch herself at her twin, another pair being tackled to the ground.

Alfred howled with laughter, leaning his seat so far back he fell with a clatter and several shouts. "HOLY SH-"

Wisconsin shouted joyfully, tackling Kansas and pretending to fight with him. Kansas just sighed blocking the fake attacks half heartedly.

Missouri buzzed around the conflict zones, attempting to settle everyone down. Needless to say it had little effect on the fighting states.

Indiana just turned to Illinois and began a pleasant conversation about the prairie and wild flowers.

Nebraska, Iowa, and Minnesota took one look at the fight before trailing off in a herd to get some French Silk Pie for the road.

As soon as they had left the manager of the Culver's came barreling out of the kitchen, wielding a very dirty broom. The manager shouted at the group, waving his broom around as if it could be threatening. "You are _disturbing_ the other customers! Leave! Now! OUT OUT OUT!"

After being swatted with the broom the Midwest plus Alfred left the restaurant, save for Nebraska and company. They were still buying the pie.

Most of the States were disgruntled by the fact that they couldn't finish their meal. Several heated glares focused on the Dakotas and the rowdy neighbors; Michigan and Ohio. Alfred pried open his truck's bright red door. As soon as Nebraska, Iowa, and Minnesota came out with the pie, they traded part of it to ride in the truck.

With actual room in the trunk, Kansas took to the steering wheel, having Wisconsin be his shotgun.

The first row consisted of Illinois, Indiana, and Ohio, they had a lot of catching up to do together.

In the second row, Michigan, Missouri, and North Dakota were talking about recent politics. Their favourite conversation piece being 'how in the hell can West Virginia and Nevada vote for Trump?!'

South Dakota took up the trunk, wanting some alone time to cool down.

They all drove like this for quite a long while, voices bouncing back and forth between them as they headed back to Missouri. Why Missouri? Well that's where all their proper luggage and cars were!

Unfortunately, the car decided to make a pit stop in Illinois. A far distance from Chicago, rolling fields swayed against one another. To a city slicker, one could describe it as a golden ocean.

Dark plumes of smoke slithered from under the hood, Kansas scowling out the window. "Well that's just terrific..." He mumbled, turning around in his seat. "Looks like we'll be staying 'ere a while. Yo Michigan! Come take a look at this with me." He called, already on his way out of the van.

Michigan huffed, climbing over Missouri and following Kansas outside. Once he got closer, the State's face folded in disgust. Kansas had propped open the hood, black smoke billowing out into the air. Michigan stepped up, eyeing the intricate layout of the engine compartment. Tubes and pipes worked around each other in mismatched harmony, leading to the large engine; strong pistons gleaming against the soiled backdrop. Michigan only needed one look to tell what was wrong. "The belt snapped," he stated simply, pointing to the side of the vehicle.

Sure enough, two wheels shone empty where there should have been a rubber belt. Tidbits of melted rubber coated some of the surrounding machinery.

"Okay, but how do we fix it?" Kansas asked, one eyebrow raised expectantly.

Michigan huffed, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes. "We call a technician, duh. There is no way that something stupid like Illinois' hair band or Nebraska's rubber band collection would solve this. Just 'cause I love cars don't mean I have every single piece ever on hand. We may be States but come on."

Kansas sighed, "fair enough, I'll get Indiana."

True to his word, Kansas disappeared into the car again, emerging with Indiana's flip phone. He paused for a moment before Illinois shouted a number at him. Kansas dialled, grimacing towards his sister who was making faces in the window.

Michigan meanwhile piled into the car next to Missouri, running a hand through his hair. His sister gave him a warm lazy smile, tossing his romance book back into his lap. "There you go, the ending was too sappy for my tastes. Sorry."

Michigan waved it off, pulling the book back up to his chest. "Psh, don't sweat it. It's fine. Besides, this story isn't for everyone. I just really like the author."

Missouri giggled, more to herself than at Michigan. "Well, I'm glad you like it. Perhaps you could tell me all about this author while we wait?"

Michigan nodded slowly, taking a deep breath and beginning to tell his most trusted sibling all about this author. She would always be there to listen to him, to any of them. Someone has to be a mother amidst all the silliness of politics and power games.

 **A/N: Well I wasn't sure where to leave that one...but uh...yeah... I'm thinking of making the plot a bit more...** ** _serious_** **. Perhaps darker would be the better term? Maybe? I don't really know for sure, but I definitely want a darker story for this account. Maybe it'll be this one, maybe it'll be a different one. I'm not sure! Side note, Micigan's swollen ankles refers to Flint and the water poisoning. I personally find it disgusting what the Govoner did. Others do not. Either way thanks a whole bunch! ~Cornonlecob**


	6. Iowa's Day Off

It only took a little screaming and swearing from Kansas before a tow truck picked up the nine States. The car itself got a full repair, and even a brand new set of plates. Of course, Michigan and Illinois worked together to make the perfect pair. The car was now christened with the beautiful name of 'Wheatley'.

Begrudgingly, the others approved.

It took even less time to get back to Missouri, discovering Nebraska on the front porch dining on a slice of pie. "Yo," he called out, waving at them with his fork.

"Yeah, hi, where's Alfred?" Missouri asked, glancing around her yard for any sight of the country.

Nebraska just shrugged, resuming eating his pie. "The only thing I can tell you for sure is that Iowa and Minnesota are making a hot dish."

Without any other words Missouri dashed inside, tearing into her kitchen with wild eyes. They settled on her two brothers, both in _her_ aprons and placing tator tots over some mashed potatoes.

"What the hell are you two doing?" She demanded, hands on her hips as she nearly glared at them.

Minnesota and Iowa traded a look, both shrugging as they glanced back at her. "We didn't want to eat the pie so..." Iowa trailed off, reaching to resume cooking.

Missouri rolled her eyes, huffing out a sigh before walking back out of the kitchen.

Most of the others were already gathering up their things and dispersing, Illinois and Wisconsin having started a shouting contest over football again. Missouri just leaned against her door frame and watched as most of her siblings started driving away.

Minnesota and Iowa left together, both swearing to ship her dish back to her eventually. They also claimed to have left a slice of their pie in the fridge for her. She just shook her head and waved them off.

Soon April turned into August, a few other regional meetings occurring and a couple G8 shenanigans circulated around the gossip pool. According to Indiana, Mississippi heard from Alabama that Idaho legitimately brought his potato cannon into the meeting room. Washington State then proceeded to lecture England about Bigfoot and apparently they had worked out a separate meeting time to go over theories.

But the biggest highlight of August 2016, was the state fairs. Minnesota had the largest usually, quickly followed by Iowa, Ohio, and Wisconsin. However as the political race thickened, each of the swing states got a nice pleasant visit from the candidates.

Now, most people would assume, that because Iowa is such a boring state, it's state fair wouldn't be anything spectacular.

And that's where most people are dead wrong.

For one week, Iowa goes batshit crazy as over a million people flock to Des Moines, intent on surfing the Big Slide, competing in the Sheep Joust, and marvelling at the glory that is the Butter Cow. Ah yes, the Butter Cow.

Each year, one sculptor is commissioned to make a live scale cow made entirely of butter. Several others are asked to make cement calfs, each detailed with varying patterns reflecting culture, and fun in general.

There's corn shucking competitions and surprisingly aggressive rabbit raffles. Not to mention all the food on a stick.

Almost every food available will come on a stick. Salad on a stick, ribs on a stick, snickers on a stick, funnel cake on a stick, chocolate bananas on a stick, deep fried chocolate covered butter on a stick. You think it? It's probably on a stick.

Now, Ansel 'Iowa' Jones, couldn't be prouder of his state fair, it's one of the only times he gets exceedingly excited about anything.

So imagine his surprise, as he was marvelling at the beautiful angel that is his precious Butter Cow, when Nebraska slides up next to him.

Nebraska didn't usually come, mostly because some of the goings on of the fair were a tad too weird to handle.

Iowa raised a dark eyebrow, they'd been getting darker as more people started moving in. Certainly not as much as North Dakota, but it was definitely observable on most of the Midwest's faces.

"Yes?" He started, ignoring how his people were getting frustrated from him hogging the viewing space.

Nebraska looked over, blinking twice before deciding to grace the packed showcase room with his response. "Just checking out what symptoms I can list when we decide to admit you."

Iowa just rolled his eyes, crossing his arms across his chest. "Is anyone else here that I should avoid?" He asked, no real hostility present.

"Eh, not really. I think Illinois is here to scope out the political scene." Nebraska replied, hands in pockets being his casual self.

Oh. Right, that.

Iowa had to stop himself from swearing, he'd seen Cheddar Douche flying around giving helicopter rides to kids. That was something he knew his officials were not happy about. He'd already claimed to favour Cruz and Hillary rather than that wind bag, but whatever. As long as people were happy.

Nebraska snickered from his side, beginning to turn away from his gorgeous cow. "Anyways I've said my peace. Just be sure that when you get all crazy like this you don't also pay any visits to ISU." He said smugly, obviously still not over World War II or maybe the whole computer thing.

"Shove it you kernel. Enjoy the fair." Iowa grumbled back, tearing himself away from his amazing Butter Cow, after all he had to see some of the other events in his fabulous fair.

Iowa spent the day wandering about the fairgrounds, surfing down the Big Slide five times and eating way more stuff on a stick then was probably healthy. He paid little attention to the huge crowds on Main Street, gathering around Cheddar Cheese McDouche Nozzle. The crowd was either throwing things from the sky gondolas, or listening with disturbing enthusiasm.

He discovered Illinois in the corn shucking competition. Needless to say, Achsah pummelled all those sweaty beef cakes up on the stage.

Iowa would never admit it, but he cheered the loudest for his sister, even though he figured her own score wouldn't hold up to his own, let alone Nebraska or Ohio. But he cheered all the same.

Despite this support, he dodged actually meeting up with her in favour of finding some fried butter.

A lot of people liked fried butter, and a lot of people _didn't_ like fried butter. Iowa however, adored the food. Because it was so high in fat and calories you could only really eat it once a year. You had to buy it at the fair, but a few others attempted to replicate it.

The rest of the day passed in a relaxing state of observing competitions, ogling some of the baubles for sale, and riding Ye Old Mill. This was a welcome contrast to the usual hustle and bustle of his life. Zipping about the Capitol in a frenzy of politics and general social customs. Not to mention road trips to either regional meetings, national meetings, or just inter-state relations.

Needless to say, the Iowa State Fair, while being entirely weird and filled to the brim in odd customs, was a time of rest and recuperation for the State.

 **A/N: Okay okay, I know it's been forever. Literal months. But hey, at least this is...something! It's not as serious or as long as the previous chapters but oh well. Things are getting heated recently, and it felt time for some State Nationalism. That and the Iowa State Fair is seriously hilarious.**

 **Okay so, back in 2016, Trump and Hillary did actually pay a visit to the fair. And yes, people did actually throw stuff from the sky gondolas. Everything included in the chapter is an actual thing, I swear.**

 **By the way, if you don't know, both a version of the computer and the nuclear bombs used on Japan were both created at Iowa State University. Manhattan Project? More like Ames Project.**

 **With that long winded speech over with, don't be afraid to leave suggestions for future chapters!**

 **Thanks a whole bunch!**


	7. The Inevitable Game

It was now the night of a legendary Packers Vs Bears football match. Summer had melted away, and the Midwest was gathered in Indiana's house to watch the fireworks.

Not literally, but the battles between Wisconsin and Illinois on game night were _legendary_.

Nebraska brought the popcorn for the occasion, both of the Dakotas working together to bring out their best butter for said popcorn. Missouri sent a letter in a bottle down to Louisiana who called Texas and initiated a trade for a 3-Day Brisket. Minnesota literally melted when she unveiled it.

"And now, behold, MY MAGNIFICENT MEAT." She had announced holding out the huge tray tilted just so so that the other States could get a good whiff of steaming meat.

Ohio had to jump over a drooling hunched over Michigan to catch Minnesota before he toppled over and earned himself a concussion. She shot Iowa a pointed glare for not making a move to catch the person who was standing, _literally right next to him like what the hell man_. Uncool.

Minnesota was muttering about some otherworldly faith as his eyes nearly rolled back.

"Jesus, are you okay?" Ohio asked, pointedly ignoring a whining Michigan in the background.

Minnesota didn't answer.

Ohio just huffed in response, dropping her brother to the delight of the Dakota twins.

"TAKE THAT! AHAHAHAHAH!"

Missouri nearly dropped the tray when she heard Wisconsins cackle, a sharp hiss followed shortly after along with an angered screech.

"ARE YOU _SERIOUS_? THIS IS MY FAVOURITE FLANNEL!"

The others all raced into the cozy living room to see a full out battlefield.

The coffee table was turned on its side, splattered with kernels of popcorn and fake spray on cheese. Illinois was stationed behind it, her hand clasped dramatically on a sling shot with little crystals nearby in a pile. A few others had been embedded into the plush sofa cushions and pillows that had been put up as a fort on the other side of the room.

Indiana was too shocked to to freak out, she looked absolutely demolished.

Not unlike her living room.

The tv was still blaring on about the big football game, humans running around and piling up in various assortments of greens and whites. It looked like, for every point that was being racked up the offending state would send over a different attack.

Wisconsin was grinning, an unsettling hateful grin. Kansas would deny it later, but he totally shivered.

Illinois was no better, the scowl etched into her pretty face was...unusual to say the least.

"Hello? Uh, we've got dinner ready..." Missouri trailed off, not even daring to take a step into the war zone.

Illinois responded with a legitimate hiss. Said hiss slowly dissolved into words but nevertheless it still made the huddle by the entryway scoot further back into the kitchen. "This is between me, and the fart stinking up this country over there."

Meanwhile, somewhere else, Alfred felt the distinct almost about to fart feeling. It almost interrupted his discussion with Ivan.

Back to Indiana, Wisconsin just sniggered, leering from the hole in between soft things. "She who smelt it, dealt it."

Illinois growled, and flashed a look up at the screen, she reloaded her slingshot sending two crystals thunking into pillows.

North Dakota rubbed at Indiana's back, she had already fallen to her knees in despair.

The next thing anyone knew, a gun went off in the house. The bullet shooting through the hardwood ceiling that was most likely handmade.

A flicker of their normal personalities flashed over the two warring states, but it quickly went away.

Indiana had stopped her almost-about-to-cry-over-destroyed-furniture breakdown, now lodged firmly in between the Dakotas.

Iowa stood back in the kitchen with a short pistol in one raised hand, dead green eyes staring blankly at the rest of the region.

"When'd you get a gun?" Michigan asked with a raised eyebrow, decidedly not disturbed by the dead stare that looked way too close to his direction to be comfortable. Were all of his siblings just that crazy? Aside from Ohio, she was obviously the most deranged out of all of them.

"It's new."

Missouri and Nebraska both let out similar 'oh' sounds, neither looking extremely shocked. Illinois, the other neighbour wasn't paying a lock of attention, already focused back on the game. Minnesota was...well he was certainly somewhere.

Missouri cleared her throat, pushing back into the kitchen with confidence in her step. "Well, if all the children are done now, we adults are going to eat this delicious bri-"

As she had begun to gesture towards the trey with her brisket special ordered via river, she discovered it was entirely empty.

Far off in the distance, Minnesota laughed to himself. The stolen meat balanced precariously on a paper plate. "Heh, no one ever suspects Minnesota."

 **A/N: This one is even shorter than the last one! AUGH! Oh well, finals are here and I'm all worded out. Sorry. Well, okay, I've also been working on a different story but shhh, it's not even part of any fandom. So anyways, I've been getting a lot of messages about Packers VS Bears so here ya go. I also added a bit of my own opinion about my own state tossed in there. It sure is SWELL to be the last in the nation on mental health! HA HA GLORIOUS. OH YES AND LETS GIVE THEM ALL FIREARMS TOO YES YES OKAY.**

 **Ahem. Sorry. Anyways! Thanks a whole bunch for reading! See y'all next time!**


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